3.) I’m in quarantine… again. A family member of mine I’ve been in close contact with recently tested positive for COVID-19 and so now I am laying low for at least a week, possibly longer. Crossing my fingers Marcel and I do not get sick, or only mildly sick!
I think that’s about it for the last month. I’m about to start a new painting today. And yesterday, I found this fantastic song by Roisin Murphy I’d like to share. Take a listen!
Just want to share a couple progress shots of pieces I’ve been working on. I’ve been feeling all the warm inspired fuzzies that come with making art as of late. Painting, particularly, has given me these fuzzies. I forgot how much I love to paint.
I’m still trying to find my way through this painting. I haven’t painted in 8 years, so I’m kinda rusty, but I’m getting better each time I work on this.
This graphite drawing I’ve had in progress for ages. I’m just beginning to reach the tail end of it. I think I should have it done by the end of the year as long as I keep devoting little bouts of time to it each week.
A lot of time has passed, and I apologize for that. The stress of the pandemic truly got to me. And I mean truly. Last Sunday, I spent the afternoon in a hospital bed while hooked up to an IV, all thanks to a 2 month OCD relapse that led to extreme food restriction and, with that, a nearly 20 pound weight loss. Thankfully, after getting a bunch of lab tests, I know my body is okay despite the stress I put it through, but psychologically I am a bit taken aback.
Pandemics are no joke.
Around the end of July, I realized I had a problem and sought some help, which resulted in my beginning to eat the many foods I had restricted and become afraid of. With each pound I’ve gained back, so have I gained back another layer of mental clarity. And with that, a desire to make art again. Aka, I’m finally back to updating this blog!
So here is some recent work I’ve done…
“Bear and Black Birds”
“Deer and Ghost Deer”
These are a few older graphite drawings that I went back into and digitally colored. They are going to be a part of a solo show I am having this September.
And this is a progress shot of an aqua oil painting I started this week, just for fun.
I hope anyone who reads this is doing okay. I am shocked at the level of stress this pandemic has created for each and every person in this country, in this world even. And my heart goes out to everyone as they navigate the multitudes of change and loss they are facing.
Haven’t updated recently. The graphite drawing I’d had in progress turned out to be a bust… I finished it, but I didn’t feel happy with it, so I put it in storage. I will post two little MOMENTS from it I feel okay with, however, like this really tall dog and this royal-like girl:
I also want to share an update on the last colored pencil drawing I finished, “Kitty Space Party.” A good friend of mine purchased it and was kind enough to share with me a photograph she took of it hanging in her home:
It makes me happy to know it’s in such a good home.
I don’t have much of anything else to share. My original goal for quarantine was to create at least two new drawings a month, but May appears to disagree with that goal. The warmth of spring has caused my concentration to vanish. I have been spending more time outside and daydreaming about possible future art projects. I’m currently in sketching mode, and I am hoping this will lead to some new work soon.
See ya for now.
In an attempt to bring some cheer to my current isolation I made a drawing of a little cat enjoying some time alone in her quarantine bubble. This is my second drawing done in colored pencils, and I can tell I have learned a lot since doing the first drawing. While sketching out this piece took 6 days, creating it only took 5 days. Using the colored pencils felt much more intuitive this time around.
Here’s a close up of the little cat, just ’cause she was the whole reason why I wanted to create this piece:
I found out last Friday that it’s unlikely I’ll return to either my jobs until mid to late July, and, honestly, it left me shook. For a while, I allowed myself to believe this period of quarantining was simply me taking a break from life. But now I realize this isn’t the case. As much as I don’t want to accept it sometimes, my life isn’t on pause. It’s literally just changed.
Last week, I made a list of goals to work towards, just to keep myself from becoming catatonic. And also, to hopefully help build myself a new normal. One of those goals is to create 2-3 drawings each month. This April I was able to get 3 – hopefully this May I am able to do the same. =) But hey if not, that’s fine too.
All done with this graphite drawing. I was hoping to get it done while Minnesota was having its snowstorm (last Sunday), but, unsurprisingly, quarantine had other ideas for me. I wound up spending the majority of the storm holed up in my room feeling bummed. About exactly what, I can’t even say. I think I just miss my community. I think I just miss being able to laugh, joke. I know I can do that on my own, like I’ve gotten myself to laugh on a number of occasions, sure. But I’d really like to share a laugh with a friend or two. Or a meal. Or a beer. Or a movie. Or anything, anything. And because I felt bummed, I had to take a break from drawing for a few days.
I discovered earlier this week my furlough from one of my jobs has been extended until late July. So this drawing will not be my last of the quarantine. Most likely, instead, it will be my second of many – I will not be working much, if at all, for at least three and a half more months.
Okay, well I thought I was going to start another colored pencil drawing yesterday, but then I looked at my graphite pencils and felt really sad for them. They looked so lonely and abandoned, and I couldn’t handle it. So now I’m working on a quick little graphite drawing, just as a break before delving into colored pencils again.
Here’s my progress on the drawing so far:
I’m hoping to have it done by the end of tomorrow! We are going to get something like a snowstorm tomorrow, which means it’ll be a perfect day for a drawing marathon.
Anyway, I don’t know what else to say.
It’s day something. I don’t even know. Last night, I dreamt I stuffed myself in a cabinet. It seemed right. That’s how I’ve felt – stuffed in a cabinet.
Drawing has taken up the majority of quarantine time. The drawing below I completed this morning. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet, as I haven’t gotten any space from it, but I’m glad I got myself to see it through to the end. I’m not used to working in colored pencils and so it took a while to learn how to layer the colors and live with the fact that I can’t fix mistakes. Unlike graphite, my usual medium, colored pencil is not very forgiving.
I’ll probably start another colored pencil drawing tomorrow. I’d really love to get better at this medium. My state extended its stay-at-home order until May 4th yesterday, so it seems like there’s a good chance I’ll be able to finish at least one more drawing without any interruptions.
A poem I wrote while quarantining. It doesn’t make any sense, but I had fun writing it. Note: it sounds a bit better when read out loud.
The Last Storm
Wash of rain escalating, winds howling. Wolves vanishing into black holes. Ghosts hidden in the organ playing so loud, so haunting.
Airplanes in the sky, silver and melting. Eyes on the moon shining their tears. In the ocean, colossal waves crashing, wild sirens submerged.
Magenta sky, hot, feverish like mercury. The sun a disc that died long ago. People’s bodies, brittle and shaking, bursting into bones.
Mountains rising, earthquakes resounding. Serpents whorling in and out of clouds. Seesawing the sounds of voices, despair. Witches in the world’s ears.
Hearts, dispersed, lay in distant deserts. Collapsing the tranquility of dreams. Silver lining not here, nor an ever after. Last storm awakening.
It was inspired by a Weyes Blood song called “Storms that Breed.” I actually wrote the poem while listening to this song on repeat, ha. Click on the video below to hear the song!
It’s only been 11 days. Still, I miss my community very much. Over the last week, I had been sick and so hadn’t quite internalized the depths of isolation I would be experiencing. I had the benefit of being tired and miserable, which made each day seem faraway. Now, I’m well. And this means I’m hungry, restless, and fully aware of this pandemic and its consequences.
What will happen when I return to my community? Will anything even be the same? How will all the people I know change? How will I, myself, change? Fissures in my world. Things falling in. Will I lose some people? Will the isolation have a profound affect on me psychologically, especially given I do not live with anyone I can confide in?
Creatively, I’m stoked. I’ve spent the last few days writing poetry and drawing. I’m happy when doing that. There are no interruptions anymore. Ideas I have just bloom and expand. I get lost in my own flow. I can actually envision myself finishing a small collection of poetry or a detailed drawing in a matter of weeks, not months or years. That is great. But when I snap out of my trance, I remember Earth is turning. All the people and things are moving through time. And they are changing, a lot.
What kind of change will I return to? Change is hard to face. I’m afraid of it, honestly. Particularly, I’m afraid of change when I don’t get to witness its gradual process. I am afraid of change that is sudden, that knocks me off my feet.
However, I have no choice but to make myself ready.